A Call to Bro's

Lately I have realised I am down a wingman and have searched for the perfect bro to fill that position. Everyone needs a wingman, Han Solo had Chewbacca, Harold had Kumar and Michael Jackson had Barney the Dinosaur. So, after searching for countless days ( 4 :L ) I have decided to put an application here on the blog for all you bro's who would like to apply for wingmanship. After all applications are read and finalised I will select what I find to be the perfect wingman and we will test your skills in the real world. Here is the wingman application, complete and leave a comment with all questions answered or send an email to aaronwil007@hotmail.com with the information.

__________________________________________________________________

NAME : _______________

EMAIL : ________________

ALIAS : ___________________
(e.g. Jack Package, The Barnicle, The Aarection)

SPECIAL SKILLS : ______________________

(e.g. Powerpoint, Web Design, Masseuse, Instrumental)

On the scale below rate your attractiveness:

Clint-----2-----3-----4-----5-----6-----7-----8-----9------------------Aaron

MULTIPLE CHOICE!

1) Which of the following would

work the best on a chick?

a) Speaking like a little boy

b) "Haaaaaave you met, (wingman's name) ?"

c) "(your name), Architect." (gun gesture + wink)

d) "We are international business men!"

2) You are claiming to be the sessions

drummer for Van Halen. Who could

NOT be your lead singer?

a) David Lee Roth

b) Gary Cherone

c) Sammy Hagar

d) Aaron Wilson

3) For some reason, you're pretending to be

British. Who is your President?

a) Tony Blair

b) Winston Churchill

c) Margaret Thatcher

d) Trick question - Prime Minister

4) Women do not enjoy jokes about their:

a) Face

b) Shoes

c) Intelligence

d) None of the above

ESSAY QUESTION :

In the space below, talk about a person who has made a significant impact on your life

__________________________________________________________________

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

In my lifetime I have taken on many challenges, big and small and they have always been completed. It is important to have a list of goals no matter how big or small ... So in this weeks post I am showing you a list of my Ultimate Challenges. Hopefully this list will inspire bros everywhere to make their own list ...

ULTIMATE CHALLENGES!

□ Fist Bump the Queen

□ Drive the Pope-Mobile

□ Still be awesome at age 80

□ Skinny Dip in the Fountain of Youth

□ Drink from The holy grail

□ Run The bridge to Brisbane without training AND finish

□ Suit up with Hugh Hefner

□ Get a picture with Obama

□ Complete a HIMYM Marathon

□ Obtain 6 billion blog members

□ Run Australia for a day

□ Cure feelings!

□ Tame a Cougar

Breakups...

Every now and then, bros everywhere make the biggest mistake they could ever make.

COMMITMENT! DATING!! RELATIONSHIPS!!!

We all know that relationships are easy to get into and for quite some time they can appear to be fun or enjoyable…. They aren’t. The reason many bros start seemingly enjoying a relationship is because they are afflicted with the brainwashing, mind-boggling disease, Haven’t-been-laid-in-a-while Blindness. No one wants this. It’s horrible and can result in lack-of-style syndrome, sleep deprivation and has even been known to produce Feelings. Yuck! Do you see it now? It’s destroying our great planet. It’s Brobal Warming and the only way to stop it is to end relationships before it’s too late. If you do not end it quick enough, the chick will and in return will receive more extensive damage, A Bro-ken Heart.

To help you, to help bros the world over, I have devised a list of ways to end relationships with a chick in 7 words or less:

Ways to end Relationships with a chick in 7 words or less…

1. Maybe try a side salad instead

2. I threw out all your shoes

3. Yes, your ass looks big in that

4. Your sister let me do that

5. Cute, your growing a moustache too

6. She looks like a hotter you

7. Wow, you were an ugly child

8. Halloween’s over, take off the mask

9. We didn’t have sex without a condom? (gesture at her stomach)

10. Monogamy? What’s that? Is it a Movie?!

Now upon breaking up, you may feel one of two things…

Either a sudden relief of stress and feelings of Happiness and Hope…OR… A sudden realisation that you have made a mistake as well as feelings of unhappiness and doubt. In either case you will need a way to get back on your feet. You know what they say… There are plenty of chicks in the ocean and now that you are single, you can take your pick. Choose a lure and cast out. Check out some of my personal favourite lures (pick-up lines for non-bros) in the next Article.

Aaron's Book Report

In Recent weeks I have decided to start putting together a short book. This book will help bro's the world over with things such as;

- Breakups

- Pick ups

- Handling Babies

- Pregnancy Scares

- And how to fight feelings

As well as these things, the book entitled, "I Have a Dream", will include many stories gathered throughout time by various bros, Including some from this blog. Until Next time...

Peace out Hombres!

History of the Fist Bump!

In the beginning there was nothing but darkness. This was a problem because Adam and Eve couldnt see... (This was way back before that whole "forbidden fruit" incident they were just friends.) After countless hours searching around for the light switch on the wall... yeah they had that back then... anyway after unsuccessfully finding the light Adam heard a voice. Many theories of what was said have been called false, but it was a little something like this: "Bro, to light up the universe, thou shalt bump Eve's fists in a strong and decisive manner. Oh and umm, bro don't eat that fruit on the big shiny glowing tree when you see it okay? GOOD!" Adam was Shocked but decided it was worth a shot... Adam told Eve and they bumped fists... BAM! Let there be light!

Ever since this day the fist bump has been used in situations to congratulate, respect something, as a greeting, as a method of agreement or to finalize a deal. Dont believe me? Jesus did it when curing a leppa... I'M SERIOUS! The dude was like "Hey J, thanks for saving me from a certain death" BAM! FIST BUMPED! True story. And It is shown throughout history, in past and present. Currently, President Obama shows that the fist bump is very important to the world. It is so important to him in fact, that rather than hugging his wife Michelle, he gives her a fist bump!

NOW THATS RESPECT!

The presidential Fist Bump!

You can tell that

Michelle really did a good job to earn that fist bump from her clearly loving husband Obama. -.-

Other Presidents have tried to successfully master the fist bump technique, but to no avail. One such president is George W. Bush. This man was so desperate to master a cool respect-giving technique that he even tried a "chest bump" ( The worst looking way to show someone respect, it's like a public dry hump). Don't believe me? Here...

Now I know this is not right...

President Bush tried so hard to learn the art of the Fist Bump that he tried to force children to show it to him. But again he failed. And president Obama has stepped up to the plate and taken over with a very impressive fist bumping technique.

Peace out Hombres.

Shock and Awe-someness!

Recently my best friend Fitzy introduced me to her mum. Although Fitzy did not know at the time, her mum and I were destined to become friends, probably because she called me handsome and dashing ... (heh heh heh) ... We even talked on an instant chat! Ahaha! Anyways, I know what your thinking, mums on instant chats? Isn't that unusual? Unusual, Yes! Forbidden? NO! Now Fitzy's mum is like at most, 35, an age that can be determined both good or bad depending on the viewer. So I thought I would weigh up the aspects ...

PROS:

• Doesn't tell stories about "the old days"
• Is still young enough to party!
• Uses slang (Dat, 4 sure, 2day, etc.)

CONS:

• Has "work in the morning" -.-

IN SUMMARY : Fitzy's Mum is AWESOMEEEE!! 3 pros against 1 con ... CYBER FIVE! And I'm not gonna pretend like the comment she made about me being handsome and dashing didn't give her bonus points ... it did, but none the less Fitzy's Mum is a LEGEND! A++ Mrs. Fitzy's Mum!

NOTE: Next post will hopefully be up within the next couple of days!

Bro-thership of the Thing Part 2 - The Last Supper with a Double D Cupper

Since my last entry, I have figured out the riddle that was engraved on the old door I found behind that silly curtain. As you may remember the riddle read:

“What tiny woman's number cut above the knees would stop a bro’s heart if she dropped her keys?”

After contemplating many answers to this age-old riddle I had a flashback to just four weeks ago…. My friend nick was walking down Broadway finding hot chicks and pretending to be a bed inspector when suddenly, he spotted a girl in the shortest mini-skirt he had ever seen. He was very happy and was about to approach her until… she bent over! Without a doubt he was rushed to hospital as a result of his heart pounding against the innermost layer of flesh surrounding it, probably trying to escape and dry hump this chick’s leg or something, I dunno? Apparently he was found with his minute hand at 12 o’clock if you know what I mean… heh heh heh mmm … anyway… My point is MINISKIRT! The answer to the riddle was Mini-skirt!

After etching this magical word into the door, it opened. But behind it was not the meaning of life, no! ‘Twas the world’s most disgusting, horrible, repulsive and diabolic thing ever created…. a robe, an old ancient looking robe! Yuck! It didn’t even have a vest, Let alone a tie! But it had a note which said:

TRY ME!

WARNING… Robe may induce vivid hallucinations, cause diarrhoea, or produce a time warp and send wearer into the past. Results may vary!

My first thought when viewing this robe was to burn it or lock it in a chest and bury it so that know bro would ever have the unfortunate chance of setting eyes on it… But after realizing this robe may be the secret to unlocking the true meaning of life, I wore it. I’m not saying that it was even close to the awesomeness and uniqueness of a 3 piece pinstripe suit, but I will admit this thing was roomy. You know, kinda gave a good breeze where it counts, you know what I’m saying? You don’t? Well anyway… it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, until…. I Caught a glimpse of myself in that silver watery substance. I had grown a freakin’ beard! It was all adding up… the robe… the beard… the Staff I wielded in my left hand! I was Broses!

After wearing in my robe I decided to relocate Jesus’ diary that I had glimpsed earlier. After reading the first few words I was sucked into the basin! Robe and all! When I awoke I was in Jerusalem. With only a robe on my back, a staff in my hand and Jesus’ diary in my left pocket I traipsed along a dirt track towards what looked like a dining hall.

On the way to the dining hall I happened upon a lion, a tin man and a scarecrow. Together we formed the Bro-thership of the thing. On our trip the other party members informed me of the evil tyrant Sauraus Rex. She had once lived in peace with the rest of the land but lately had been ruining the most Special of Brocasions. I intended to find out why…..